Nunca crei que pudiera echaros tanto de menos.

I always thought the next year coming would be the good one. infact it's what happened till this year. My first year at high school is a big failure. First of all because of the classes; i'm not used to study at all, I never learn my lessons either do my homeworks but I always got good marks.. not in all the subjects but still. I choose a good high school for myself so I could get to know cool people and forget the useless ones I knew at school, but the contrary happened. Changing my school I realised I missed my friends so bad and I couldn't see them as much as I thought and seeing them laughing and taking pictures together on facebook or even in the bus, it hurts me because I know I could have been one of those girls smiling all the time, as I did last year at school; but I choose the sad way, I mean I thought the creepers at my school would still being mean at me but I saw they changed in high school and they're nice, but I skipped away and went to a no-known school, I wanted to start a new life and all I did is make myself even more mad at me because 1) I keep telling myself I could have been so happy with my friends; 2) people at this school are weird and judge you too much; 3) they are not that nice. 4) some are nice and i appreciate them but I miss my friends.
Whatever I don't know what i'm saying but Yes... this year is a big shit. It started in a good way and then I realised I wanted to go to another school and hopefully I will go back with my friends next year but I think I might re-do my year and i'm so scared about that. People and teachers always told me I was so smart and that my mum was lucky to have a daughter as me, now I just feel so dumb and I'm so disappointed of myself, I hate myself for not being styding, I just can't! I don't know how to start studying, the only thing that could make me study is someone looking for me, as my aunt do in spain, she's always helping me and forcing me to study but here i'm alone with my mother and she's not the kind of person to ask help to so I just can't study. Plus I lose my best friends this year and knew some bad people that broke my heart so bad, this year I was about to have my first boyfriend, I loved him so much but when I was about to tell him what I felt he asked a girl out, and I really thought he liked me... and now I see how close one of my closest friends is becoming with him, apparently she wouldn't bother her to go out with him. whatever, this year is a completly fail. I feel totally alone, mean, dumb, everything. The only thing making me smile were promotions, but since my favorite bros are not announcing tour dates soon I don't know. then my familly is my happiness. They are the ones making me smile and forget everything but for this I need to fly over spain and I just can't do it as much as I want, it's a school problem, people are judging me because of my absences when all i do looking for a little bit of happiness... i'm a city girl I mean I live near Paris and i've been living in Barcelona 10 years but when I go to my grand parents' I feel free... a little village but perfect; they do not judge you, the way you look is not important and even if they're is some little stories people are always partying! well... I just felt like I needed to write a blog about my feelings. useless blog but hey.. i never said you needed to read it :p.
I will never thank enough my family for being as amazing with me as they are. After all this years without seeing them thats what I needed. I never had an easy family since I hate my father and my mother is pretty weird sometimes, but you always help me to grow up and learn from my mistakes and everytime I think of you not being here anymore I start crying because you are the most important people in my life.
ella x

almost two weeks after the dream; WHO I AM - Nick Jonas & The administration.

I wanna wake up.. and find you by my side. Looking how I sleep and seeing you love me more.

I was supposed to sleep at 6PM when I get back from school but I started reading my blogs before London, and I wanted to write something about it. Two weeks are already past and I can't believe it, for me it's like I wasn't go there. It was better than I expected, I know everyone who was there don't take it like the best days of their lifes but for me it's maybe not, but I swear I have not realise yet. If i'm writing about it it's for helping myself to realise I went to London with friends even if I'm just 15 to see my favorite people on earth. I knoooooow everyone does it this years but it's unbelieveble for me. Last year I was in a Taylor Swift mood, she was the best girl ever for me, I really wanted to meet her so when this summer my friend told me "what if we go to London? taylor and the jonas are there on the same week end" and I just had like 400€ so i was "ARE U KIDDING? Lets take our tixxx right now" so first I was like "yea yea yea we're going to london" but I think I didn't realise I was going for real, my mum always says yes then No so I was pretty sure she wouldn't let me go! but finally I had my tickets and she couldn't say no anymore. 4 months after I was there, seeing them AGAIN after all. I knew it was one of the last times i would see them and in the city I always dreamed to go. I just arrived there that I met Taylor Swift, last year when I was saying "I really hope I'll meet her soon" i was like saying this but couldn't believe that.. now I can finally say I met HER.

exemple you, you're broken my little heart day to day bu ignoring me.

I tried my best for you, but you seem to take yourself much better than everyone; i guess you tried to tell me you don't care about me by ignoring me everytime I look at you and you're right next to me, I can't handle it, I just wanted to know you but you are a fucking asshole that don't have any respect to the ones who appreciate you.

city of my dreams baaaaaaaaaaaaaabe.

I can’t seriously believe it, time flies or runs too fast, i don’t know what time does but my year past so fast, i remember the beggining of the year when I was telling to everyone “This year is gonna be a good year? I don’t think, We will see” and Now i’m here writing a blog about “London” principaly but I need to say that my year was one of the best ever .. I’m finally realising my dream, visit london for my idols you know what it means for me? I know almost of you are already gone to London but I’m not and It’s one of my biggest dreams since I’m 1. Plus I’m seeing them and her at the same time so can you imagine how much I’m excited about it? yea I know last weeks I told I wasn’t a Jonas Fan anymore and I need to say that I don’t like them as I used to love them. The Jonas are just a band I love so much and they stay my favorites and i’m in love with them but you know I’m like forcing myself to look OceanUp for new the new scoops about them.. I don’t care about Joe’s starbucks pictures on friday 25th October, seriously I don’t give a fuck about it.. this type of things are tiring me so much and this are the things that make me dislike them more and more.. This london thing is exciting me, because i’m not excited at all about Paris.. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do on that day, I still hope about meeting them but I took those stupid standing tickets and you know i’m not gonna wait all the during infront the arena again like i did on june so i’ll be at the back and i’ll see Anything..funny huh? Whatever that’s not what I want to talk about. London, one of my dreams,two fucking weeks and im seeing all my favorite things in the wooooorld babe. I NEED THOSE FOUR DAYS RIGHT NOW!! Can’t wait.. I think i’m so excited that I don’t wanna be there yet haha. some problems are happening but we’re off. Just think about this: “HAVE FUN” and i’m already starving haha!! In two weeks i’ll maybe have meet them,lets hope.

sorry its 01:57AM and i still wake up in my bed on this friday night knowing I have school at 9 tomorrow I mean today (saturday), we don’t give a fuck of my life I know :)

with love,ella

I'm afraid of sunny because I always lived in the dark.

Don't be afraid of tomorrow; nothing bad can happen. look at the picture and tell me what do you see. I see two girls dancing and smiling, being happy, living the dream,living the life, forgeting their problems, just smiling and trying to show the perfect face of life. You can be happy thinking of the positives things in your life and even if sometimes it's the hard and you can't find you have to look for it again and again because You all have something in your life that makes you happy, you maybe don't know it at all but you all deserve happiness, meaning people ever incluse. except HORRIBLEPEOPLE :) SMILE!

They called this L O V E

European Day; what if we forget we live in Paris and go to Oxford?

E N G L A N D & little dreamears.